Monday, August 14, 2006

Time for Punishment

Starting this weekend, I will be putting some common sense into an overparented 17 year old's head. Among the lessons for which he is matriculating:

How to Start and Use a Lawnmower, Weedwhacker, Shovel
Landscaping 101
If you're smoking a joint in the mall parking lot and you see a security guard coming, drop the weed.
How to Change a Litterbox
Dog Pooper-Scoopering
How to do Laundry, from Sorting to Folding.
Citizen's arrests done by security guards can also be referred to as kidnapping when he locks you in the back of his car.
Basic Food Preparation: Ramen, Mac and Cheese, Canned Soup, and Beyond
Posession of less than two ounces is called a misdemeanor
How to Vaccuum, Dust, Mop, Scrub, Disinfect, and Organize
Basic Closet Organization
When and Where to Lawyer Up

Seriously, doesn't it sound like my friend's kid getting charged with a Class B Misdemeanor is one of the best things to happen to me this week? She's sending him to all her friends' houses on a rotating schedule every night for the next three months, since he can't be unsupervised, and for the next semester she teaches a class until 8 PM. That's one way to make a kid work off lawyer's fees and fines.

Edited to add:
I just thought of more -- call it extra credit.
How to Store Stuff in the Attic
What a Garage Should Look Like

His mother is encouraging creativity.

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