I really like my life as it is now. My husband is amazing, we are happy together, and I think we could continue as we are for years without bringing children into our home. Neither of us has the urge to reproduce yet, and I still prefer puppies over babies.
So we are not adopting because of an overarching biological drive to recombine DNA, nor to cuddle, blow raspberries on tummies, and watch first steps. In reality, babies scare the bejesus out of me. I ascribe this to my youngest sister, who was born when I was a teen, and her very very difficult babyhood, I suppose. No, I was not responsible for her care at all hours as my mother and father were, but I was there to witness the colic (oh my god, the colic), the broken leg (my mom was carrying my sister down the stairs, mom's foot caught in her nightgown, and they fell), and the allergies that first nearly killed her (never, never watch a paramedic trach a baby), then caused a temporary sensory disorder so severe that touching her resulted in bloodcurdling screams so loud that the police once came to our house, alerted by someone walking by our house who thought someone was being murdered. The first year of my sister's life was scary as hell.
Don't take the above paragraph to mean I don't like babies or children. And I'm not going the foster-adopt route to avoid babies (in fact, learning about the attachment cycle during the adoption process has done more than anything else to make me more comfortable with the idea of babies) -- we're still thinking about those. But my story of my sister is part of the reason we're planning on adopting older children, since I don't think I could retain my sanity if a child I am responsible for won't be able to answer the question, "Where does it hurt?" Plus, I've been down the baby path twice in the last sixteen years, and I know that brothers and sisters aren't the same as your own, but I think their coming-along keeps my biological urge sated-- I have a been-there-done-that attitude toward children, sometimes, and I know what ages I like. I do really believe this will make me a better parent, once I am one.
This may sound odd, but we're adopting because we can. The hub and I have a great life, and we'd like to share it. We've read all the "scary books" and we still think we can make it work. We're good people, we think, and we know that we can provide a stable, loving home. We know we can be a soft place to land. We want to be a home for someone without one.
This is not to say we're doing this out of an over-developed sense of altruism. We're adopting children, not social statements, and I don't plan on taking up residence on a cross anytime soon. I'm not an activist -- the only thing I've ever handcuffed myself to is the bedposts. Yes, I'll probably buy a 118,000 minus 1 tee shirt, but that's about as far as I expect my in-your-faceness to go. Yep, I'll have answers for people who ask (I'm anticipating this because there's a good chance my kids will either be another race, or too old to look like they are my biological children), I'll tell my friends about foster-adoption, but above all, I'm going to try to be a good mother to my kids, try to fill in some of the missing pieces there might otherwise be without a permanent family.
I guess what this all leads up to is a question: Is it okay to adopt because you want to, and not because you yearn for a child?