Monday, December 04, 2006


The Babe's court date is coming up. Soon.

The state is asking to terminate rights on the parent who still has them.

Relatives have come forward and stated they would like to gain custody, but they have failed to keep The Babe safe over the last three years, and The Babe was actually removed from their guardianship (not The Babe's mom's custody) and placed into foster care way back when.

It is up to the judge. I know this judge. I've been in his courtroom a few times for work -- but I have no clue which way he'll go.

My family's lawyer will be attending the hearing for us, if only because I'm the first person he'll call when the judge issues a decision, and also because his spending a morning sitting in court for me will pay off some of his debt to us. I wasn't going to go to the hearing, then I was going to go, and now I'm not sure. Maybe I'll just go to my mom's house with The Babe that day and try to "sit tight."

I thought I was handling this very well, but I'm a shivery bundle of nerves right now. What if I get a phone call saying, "pack him up, I'll be there to take him home in two hours." I want to throw up on my keyboard just thinking about the possibility that might happen.

I'm just getting used to this "mommy" thing. The new espresso machine seems to be the key to parenting. Those of you who are childless and waiting, you need an espresso machine more than you need a carseat. Without a carseat, you just can't leave the house. Without an espresso machine, you can't leave the bed when "a night's sleep" = 37 minutes.

Nothing in The Babe's case has changed in the last month, but it still feels like a crapshoot now, whereas 33 days ago, it seemed like a sure thing.

And while we were out Saturday, the mailman tried to deliver a certified letter from CPS. I can't get it until 9 AM Monday, and it has me a bit stressed, the not knowing what the letter is.

I have to tell myself that whatever happens, it will be for the best. If The Babe goes home, I hope it is because real, lasting change has occurred in the last five weeks. I hope he stays home, and does not re-enter the system. I hope that if he does re-enter the system, he will be only a little more damaged than he is now.

Crap. I was going to write a bunch more, but now I'm quite-a-bit upset, so I'll just sign off instead.

Good morning, dears. Have a good Monday.


jeneflower said...

OMGsh. I bet you are so nervous. It is so hard not knowing how things will turn out and decisions being out of your hands. I hope all goes well for you and the Babe! I will be thinking about you guys!

Laura said...

I can't imagine how scared you are to lose the Babe.
Praying for you that it will all be in your favor. Sounds like he is thriving in your care, how can a judge not see that?

Beth said...

I understand. There is no "of course." There is no way to be certain. Even if you were 99% certain it would go one way it would still feel like a crap shoot, because it COULD go the other. The judge will do what the judge will do.

And the Babe either will be stronger than he would have been because he had time with you or he will be able to stay with you forever. Both are good.

I will be waiting for you to update us!

Michelle said...

I understand too.

The letter might have been informing of you of the court date in writing. They do that here.

FosterMommy said...

I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome for Babe.
I know what you're going through and it's sucks.
This is the hard part of foster parenting. Compared to the *waiting*, 37 minutes of sleep a night is a breeze.

Margaret said...

Oh, my friend. I'm just aching for you. I will be waiting on pins and needles with you.