Sunday, September 24, 2006

The Freak Out, Continued

If you've stopped by here anytime in the last 4 months, you'll know that babies were not on my radar. We are certified for ages 0-18, maybe, but our certificate says 5-16, and that was a-ok with me.

Now, 3 kids, who to my mind qualify as babies, although I guess one is a toddler.

None of my friends have babies right now. My friends either have no kids, or their kids are a few years younger than I am. I do know that such things exist as baby bjorns, slings, strollers, and rear-facing car seats, and I have Tivo'd every episode of Sesame Street since the new season began, but that's about where Baby Stuff ends.

How long could we get away with 3 PacknPlays instead of cribs? I wouldn't be able to work-at-home anymore unless we hired a nanny (a nanny!). We'd be putting the kibosh on Genetic Experiment: Bio Kid we're planning on knocking me up with in 3 years or so (cause 4 kids under 7 WOULD break me, if 3 under 3 hadn't already). Would I spend two hours crying in my closet every night? Do I have the patience to be Insta-Mommy to 3 babies? Shouldn't I be running around screaming out my excitement instead of knocking back Pepto?

From the information we know, I'm confident that these kids are someone's dream. But they aren't feeling like ours. If there were two, if they were a little older, if one were older, if it wouldn't mean maxing out our credit cards to buy 3 of every baby item in existence (We've saved money specifically for the buying-frenzy, but not 3 baby money, if you know what I mean. And we have 1 crib, bunkbeds that can be un-bunked, a full size bed, and a queen size bed available to us or already in our house -- what age do kids move out of cribs and into beds? My brother respected the boundary of the crib until he was 3, so my parents kept him in it, cause he didn't respect any other boundaries, so is 3 ok? Or 2?), hell, even if my dad hadn't fallen off a ladder last month and ruined his arms and my mom were able to help me out like she's always planned (she's been telling me for ten years that she's moving into my house for the first six months after I have a baby, and when we told her we were thinking of adopting, she said, "Get the Mother-In-Law room ready"), then maybe I wouldn't be so scared.

My mother refuses to have an opinion. This is uncommon.

What I'm thinking right now, after three hours of sleep last night and now sitting up watching Property Ladder, is that if we were going to say yes, we would have already said it.

But I'm not ready to say no, either. And we've got to make a decision fast.

Tune in later today after I try to sleep.


Margaret said...

It's 3:43 am my time. I'm still awake over here. I can't imagine how you're doing. This is a huge decision to have to make in a hurry.

For what it's worth I'm proud of you for forcing reality and practicality to be part of the decision making process. If you're anything like me your emotions can tell you to jump in before logic has a moment to say "whoa."

You'll make the right choice. I trust in that.

jeneflower said...

Thanks for sharing your news on my blog! I am assuming you shared it because you are heading toward a for sure with these kids. How scary and exciting at the same time!! I will be reading to see what happens next! I have three kids so any advice you need just ask!