Saturday, January 17, 2009


Now that we know we have another 6-8 months here, it feels like it is time for me to decide whether I will get in touch with Huckle's mom and maternal grandparents.

Before Huck was adopted, there was a court order keeping them away. Or, keeping us from contacting them, I suppose, is more like it. Since he was removed from his mom in October 2006, none of them have had any news of him, save for the TPR hearing which the grandparents showed up to, but left halfway through. I feel very, very guilty about this. I want them to know that he is healthy, happy, safe, and loved.

I don't usually hem and haw over things. I make a decision, I move forward. In this instance, though, I've decided by not deciding.

I want to talk to them. I think the grandparents would be open to this, and I hope his mom would be.

The big, big impediment is Huckle's father. As of this moment, he is in prison. He may be there for another 18 years. He could be released this afternoon, though. His first parole eligibility date was in May of 2008, and due to the backlog of parole-eligible inmates, it can take up to a year for the review to go through and early release to be granted. The parole board won't tell me anything about the status, so we wait. And carry a tazer.

Huck's father is nearly 50 years old and has spent about half his life in prison. At first there were drug convictions. Then he murdered a man. A few years after he was released for that, Huckle was born. Huck's dad was not happy when Huck entered the system, and aside from a few more drug charges, he also kidnapped Huckle twice, beat Huckle's mother and grandmother to a pulp, and set their house on fire while they were asleep. He also hurt Huckle. After all of this, Huckle's mom still handed Huckle over to his father for a bag of drugs.

What we know is that Huck's dad says that no one will keep him from his son. He will find him and take him, he says.

Huckle's father cannot find the three of us. Just cannot.

If Huck's mom and grandparents know details about us, would we be safe when Huck's dad is released?

Since I could never know the answer to that until the minute he's standing in front of me, we don't reach out to Huck's mom and grandparents.

And I can't think of a more selfish thing.

(by the way, a few paragraphs of this post will vanish in a day or two)


Lis said...

You're protecting your son. That doesn't sound selfish at all.

Yondalla said...

It seems like the safe thing to do is to send information through a social worker or lawyer. You could let them know he is well, offer to send more photos or letters, but not make personal contact. If you do that, when Huckle gets older it would be easier for him to make contact if he wanted.

Maggie said...

I agree with Yondalla. And maybe it would be smart to make the first contact after you've moved out of state (and make sure there's no information about moving out of state in the letter). You have to keep him safe.

My son recently asked to contact his birth mom. I want him to do so someday, but I question whether he's emotionally ready for it now. He has rose-colored glasses where his mom is concerned. I don't think he's ready to deal with the reality that she has continued to do meth for the 6.5 years since he last saw her. But then I don't want to deny him that right. It's a conundrum.

Like you, I'm not worried about the safety of his mother, but I'm worried about who she might tell. That includes some very dangerous people, including Slugger's father. (Though his criminal history isn't as scary as Huckle's dad's.)

Amanda said...

I agree with Yondalla and Maggie - send info through an intermediary. Make sure you really trust them to never disclose your location... Also, I might time it so that it happens right before you move - that way if any location ever gets tracked, it will be to the old place.

Protecting him (and yourselves) is a good thing - so try not to feel guilty about it.

atlasien said...

I agree, if I were you I would also send information, but make it totally anonymous, and impossible for them to contact you back.

If you give them an update, then also let them know you hope there can be contact later, I'm sure that will be very helpful to them and might encourage his mother to improve her lifestyle.

Perhaps you could impart this message, in not so many words, but so they can read it between the lines... Huck's father is not going to live forever so the contact situation may improve.

Maerlowe said...

I'm with ya'll about the anonymous contact. Maybe Stephen's attorney ad litem will agree to be the neutral party, though I know she'll disapprove of us making contact. Her opinion of Huck's parents and family is... not good.