Sunday, March 25, 2007

On the phone tonight with my sister, the one who is freshly married:

"Well, Maer, adoption is forever."

Gosh, that had never, ever occured to me before! Why didn't someone tell me?

This was after she scolded me for letting Huck look at photographs of his mother, who she referred to as "that crackhead bitch." (Yes, I sometimes think things that unkind about Huckle's mom, but I do not say them, not even when I lined up a cigarette burn hole in one of his old tshirts with a scar on his belly. Mostly, I am sad.)

I do not need shit like this from anyone, least of all my family. Judgemental, dismissive, glib, and condescending (and I know it doesn't translate well typed out, but she was all of these things) don't play well with me on good days, and with the way things have been going with my darling boy, well, now isn't the time to rely on my restraint when faced with asshattery.

Blech.

She pissed me off like she was a Stern girl. (Thumb dip)

9 comments:

atlasien said...

Sorry about your sister, happy Huck is now with your family...

Yondalla said...

People will say the stupidest things.

You have to live it to understand it.

People who don't have children always know exactly who children should be raised. And people who have raise untraumatized children have no idea at all what it is like to care for the traumatized ones.

Gawdessness said...

Ouch.
Hope she comes around a bit more.
People, especially family, can be weird.

Bacchus said...

Why is it that family members think they can say anything?

We always have to defend Baby R's mother, even from her own family. We don't allow anyone to talk bad about her. It is tough sometimes.

Amanda said...

Like she has any experience with adoption? Or addiction, I presume?

I have this same issue with my mom - she carries a lot of bitterness about Baby Bear's mom and feels the need to express it to me fairly often.

Blech is right.

Jamie said...

Ya, I get tired of trying to be the poster family for adoption and proving to everyone that it can be a good thing.

Our new response to "why would you adopt?" is going to be "well, we talked a lot about kidnapping but do you know what they do to you know if you get caught?!?!?!"....

sarcasm. works like a charm.

Jamie

Maggie said...

Blech is right. It would be so much easier to not tell my family anything about the kids that I'm being considered for. When they hear the kids' histories they question why I would want to adopt them. It pisses me off to no end. But bit by bit, they're starting to develop more empathy than judgement (which is why I keep talking about it). Sorry your sister is being such a butt. Hopefully she'll come around.

Mary said...

I am adopted and am also an adoptive mother. When I'm letting off steam or simply talking about an issue we're having with the kids, my mother (she who adopted me) says stupid things like "Well, why don't you just give them back?" The sad part is she's serious when she says this. You'd think of all people she'd have a better understanding. (And no, I did not come with the same issues as our kids did; I'm sure I wasn't easy but I wasn't anything like our kids.)

Lesson: Don't talk to negative family members about things that provoke that negativity. They think they're helping but they're not. Redirect them on to a new topic, just like a child needs redirection at times.

Lionmom said...

When we first heard about our now adopted twins, we were told that these babies were numbers 17 and 18 that their birth mother had given birth to. I told this to my mother, who promptly told me to not adopt those children because the genetics had to be watered down by now.

When we got the twins, my mom did not realize they were the same kids (there were several possibilites at the time). She fell in love with how smart and beautiful they are. She was surprised when I later told her. And my mom is not even particulalry bad on these issues.