Waiting Sucks

So much has changed. First, we're still waiting on verification, which should come through in the next week or so. Our writeup is almost done, then needs to be proofed, so within two weeks, we should be able to call ourselves "waiting."

The Boys are not really an option anymore. They were removed from photolistings at the end of last month, on the day of our last home visit. I was crushed, as I'd put a lot of thought into them, but happy because removal from photolisting --> adoption. So I sent an email to their adoption worker, and it turns out that their sisters' placement has not worked out, for whatever reason, and there is also a younger brother in the picture that we'd never heard of before. The state is now pursuing the adoption of all five children together. That's all we know, and all we will know until when/if they are relisted on the adoption exchange, as their caseworker isn't giving up any more information regarding ages/names/needs levels until that time.

So two to five... just can't happen. It makes me sick that we are not capable of the task, but I am working on coming to terms with it. But still, I am a sad monkey. I've just about got all the crying out of my system, I think.

So that was two weeks ago today. I've always had my eye on different kids, as I knew there was a good chance that The Boys would be unavailable by the time we got our certification completed (just wasn't expecting the circumstances to be what they turned out to be, kwim?). It turns out we're looking for the same qualities in kids as a lot of other people. I know this because each and every child who's page I have bookmarked or saved to disk has been removed from the photolisting. I am Adoption Magic. The mere act of my bookmarking has spurred the apathetic masses, of this I am convinced.

I am very happy that children, even lots of teens, are finding homes through the state foster care system. There are kids I've been looking at for months that are now gone -- it is wonderful. I know the universe will sort it all out, I'm just finding it very hard to stay detached from the situation.

The Hub and I had a long talk tonight. Since this all began, he'd talked about sibling groups of two. I thought that was what he really wanted, so that is what I've focused on. But it turns out he's actually more comfortable with the idea of one child at first, which I didn't know. So I was able to show him the "secret" single kids I've been looking at. I'm still kind of tied to the idea of two, as I don't want our kid to be lonely, but we shall see. The Hub is an only child, and he thinks only-child-dom is great.

Waiting is really hard to take, it turns out.