Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Not so much Pretend or Perhaps

(Seriously, Tell Me What You Would Have DONE)

Let us pretend that you and your mate have spent four days cooking and cleaning and planning for Christmas Day, which you are hosting. The day of, you're up at 8 to continue the cooking, cleaning, and planning, and at 2 PM you start the no-stopping-us-now turkey frying so that dinner will be ready at 3:15.

Pretend also that your sister has been asked to bring a vegetable dish (creamed spinach), and this has struck everyone in your extended family as hilarious, because your sister's culinary repetoire extends to grilled cheese and cereal.

Now pretend that your sister, who you don't really get along with, and her husband do not arrive until 5 PM. Also pretend that they hand you a bag of raw asparagus as they walk through the door. When you ask where the creamed spinach is, your sister replies, "I didn't make it. We had to leave at 9 this morning to go to (my husband's family's) house."

So then, perhaps, you bang about the kitchen a bit, cranky and hungry (helloooo, they are more than two hours laaaaaate! didn't call, didn't answer their phooooones), looking for a clean or even empty pan. Perhaps your husband asks you what's wrong. Maybe you say, "There's no creamed spinach, there's just raw asparagus, and it needs to be cooked."

There's a chance that your sister whips around and says, "I. Had. To. Leave. The. House. At. Nine." as if you're totally mentally deficient, and also as if the electricity doesn't get turned on until noon. "You don't need to get all bent out of shape about it," she says, wrinkling her nose and giving you the "what's up your ass" look.

Now, what would you say or do to your sister, if it were you holding the asparagus?

ETA: For real, tell me what you would have done (Bacchus, you get back here!). This isn't really a family blog, so go for it.

I was NOT a paragon of maturity or equanimity, if that's any consolation. I Was Pissed.


Bacchus said...

Hmm what I would say and do wouldn't be proper to type on a family blog. She's lucky you didn't show her how to serve that asparagus.

Maggie said...

Hmm.... asparagus is an appropriate shape for...

Seriously, after being 15/20 minutes late with no phone call, I wouldn't have waited for her. I would have apologized to everyone for the lack of creamed spinach and sat down to eat. If someone's going to be late they should call. No call -- then it's McDonald's for you.

Wendy said...

I would have whapped her upside the head with the asparagus and shown them the door!

I'm sorry you took down the pics of Huck. He is a cutie!!!!

Mary said...

I agree with Maggie -- I would have eaten without her.

Then I'd thank her for the asparagus (assuming you like it) and told her next time she's late, it's common courtesy to call first.

Then I would go on with my plans as they were and ignore the hell out of her (except for an occasional nasty look).

Tudu said...

I would have eaten w/o her for sure, then beaten a decent attitude out of her with the raw veggie (since she was an adult and a sibling).

Bacchus said...

There are three ways that could have worked in my house. 1. She would have apologized that she was late and I might have reheated something for her 2. She'd have left through the front door on her own energy or 3. She have left through the front door with some help with a bouquet of raw asparagus shoved somewhere that would allow her the use of both her hands to catch herself. LOL

I have told my brother to not visit me again because he and his wife do nothing but argue. It was more stressful than just about anything I can remember.

Kids Special Needs said...

ya know, I'd give her the cold veggies to eat, as is. What a bitch.

We had a similar event at our house for the holidays, which I blogged about, which led my sister to not speak to me any longer. Than my mom had to chime in and be a bitch. And we are now not speaking.

And I"m with Maggie, if no one notified us, we'd go ahead and eat. My dad used to show up (no kidding) 2-4 HOURS late for a holiday dinner. The first few times we waited. Then we got smart and went ahead without him.

Relatives can be so retarded. Seriously, if I was in your sister's shoes, I'd have made the dish the night before, but not cooked it. I would have left it in my car all day to stay cold, then brought it to your home to cook/heat. Really not hard.

Anyway, I'm loving the beauty of relative-free living currently. It's pure bliss.

Email me at if you want a link to my holiday debacle.