Friday, December 28, 2007

I told her to get out of my house. Yah, I did.

Wendy's the winner!

So here's what I did:

I told her to shut up and to drop it and let me be pissed. She said, "I have dropped it, you're the one freaking out" (or something, I was kinda enraged).

At that point I told her to get the hell out of my house. I totally wanted her to leave. It sounded like a good idea to me.

But then my mother flipped out. She freaked the frack out, and I ended up having to apologize to my sister for telling her to leave the house (it took about 10 deep breaths), and then I started to tell her that although I was sorry, that -- and then she cut me off and said, "Shut your fing mouth. I don't even want to look at you."

So I went back to the kitchen to resume cooking the goddamn asparagus, and every time I opened my mouth my mother hissed, "Shut up." Or, "Don't you say a word."

So I locked myself in my room for an hour and played my stero LOUD.

It felt good. Like I was sixteen again, in all the ways that sucks and rocks.

I do sort of regret telling her to get out of the house, but not because I wanted her to stay. I still wish she'd taken her happy ass out the front door, and I am angry with myself for being scolded into groveling, and then with letting my sister talk even more shit to me. But her leaving probably would have ruined the day for everyone else, and that wouldn't have been nice. In retrospect I should have taken her out to the garage and laid into her, instead of in the kitchen in front of everyone.

I didn't speak to her the rest of the night, and sadly, she and her husband stayed until nine or so. I haven't spoken to her since.

I don't really care that much if my sister and I have a good relationship. If we weren't related, we wouldn't be friends. She's done some seriously craptastic things to me in the past, and at least for another few years, I'm done trying very hard.

So. I don't want to talk to her, I don't want to see her, and I don't want her to think I'm actually sorry for telling her to get out of my house. We'll see how it goes.

Advice? And even if you want to be like my mom and scold and shame me, yeah, um, it won't work.


Krissy said...

Totally on your team on this one.

Susan said...

My mom pulls this kind of crap on us. About ten years ago, Honey and I talked about it and decided that we would make our plan (dinner at 3, whatever) and stick to it. If she showed up, fine, if not we wouldn't wait or modify our plans at all. We have eaten without her lots of times now, left show tickets at will call and gone in without her, left on an outing and left her behind, etc. For about four years she was perpetually pissed, but now she knows that we won't count on her and we won't change things to suit her.

It has made me fell much less stressed about it. I just tell her what we are doing without asking her if it works for her. (because even if she says it works she will do something different anyway)

Sorry you had to spend Christmas being sixteen again.

Mary said...

I do the same thing as Susan with my mom. There are definitely times I "bite" into her crap and lay into her and it feels soooo good -- but doesn't ever solve anything. So I take the high road and leave her in the dust.

As to mom telling you to be quiet, I think a little discussion about respect in other people's homes is warranted. Don't get mad, just state it simply: my house, my rules.

When her back is turned, then mumble under your breath like a teenager; it feels great.

Bacchus said...

Absolutely on your side. I wouldn't have thought twice about asking someone to leave my house. My siblings and I get a long so well because we have several states in between us and only see each other on special occasions. My philosophy has always been if I wouldn't let my husband speak to me that way I certainly am not going to allow anyone else to speak to me that way.

I agree with Mary that a side talk with Mom about respecting the concept of your house = your rules. It's hard to do but keeping the peace at your own expence without any compromise isn't worth it.

Maggie said...

ooh. That really blew up and got ugly. I think the best thing you can ever do is control what you can control. You certainly can't control whether your sister shows up on time and without attitude. But you can serve dinner without her and you can tell her to shove her asparagus where the sun doesn't shine.

Jules said...

Being scolded (or shamed) into an apology is the w-o-r-s-t. I'd rather sit on an asparagus... but thanks for being respectful to your mom. I'm with you on the rest!

AA said...

I am so bummed that I missed the pics of Huck. I have been checking here all the time and then when I have to go on the family ski trip you do this to me! Oh wait,I suppose you've had enought guilt thrown your way recently. Sorry.

My advice is never wait for you sister again. Eat without them and their contribution. I would have just taken the asparagus, put it in the fridge and pointed them to the leftovers. That way you avoid the whole conflict, hopefully. (Did I mention I am into conflict avoidance? Not always a good thing though). And the mom thing? I am afraid I would have told here to leave too. Hopefully you won't ahve to ever do that. She does need to know that in the future you will solve the problem differently - no waiting- and if sis gets ugly she will be asked to leave and mom needs to be prepared for that. She needs to know you will not apologize again.

Kids Special Needs said...

I hate that family shit..........

I just don't know why family thinks that they can treat other "family" like shit, just because they are "family"....