I told her to get out of my house. Yah, I did.

Wendy's the winner!

So here's what I did:

I told her to shut up and to drop it and let me be pissed. She said, "I have dropped it, you're the one freaking out" (or something, I was kinda enraged).

At that point I told her to get the hell out of my house. I totally wanted her to leave. It sounded like a good idea to me.

But then my mother flipped out. She freaked the frack out, and I ended up having to apologize to my sister for telling her to leave the house (it took about 10 deep breaths), and then I started to tell her that although I was sorry, that -- and then she cut me off and said, "Shut your fing mouth. I don't even want to look at you."

So I went back to the kitchen to resume cooking the goddamn asparagus, and every time I opened my mouth my mother hissed, "Shut up." Or, "Don't you say a word."

So I locked myself in my room for an hour and played my stero LOUD.

It felt good. Like I was sixteen again, in all the ways that sucks and rocks.

I do sort of regret telling her to get out of the house, but not because I wanted her to stay. I still wish she'd taken her happy ass out the front door, and I am angry with myself for being scolded into groveling, and then with letting my sister talk even more shit to me. But her leaving probably would have ruined the day for everyone else, and that wouldn't have been nice. In retrospect I should have taken her out to the garage and laid into her, instead of in the kitchen in front of everyone.

I didn't speak to her the rest of the night, and sadly, she and her husband stayed until nine or so. I haven't spoken to her since.

I don't really care that much if my sister and I have a good relationship. If we weren't related, we wouldn't be friends. She's done some seriously craptastic things to me in the past, and at least for another few years, I'm done trying very hard.

So. I don't want to talk to her, I don't want to see her, and I don't want her to think I'm actually sorry for telling her to get out of my house. We'll see how it goes.

Advice? And even if you want to be like my mom and scold and shame me, yeah, um, it won't work.

Not so much Pretend or Perhaps

(Seriously, Tell Me What You Would Have DONE)

Let us pretend that you and your mate have spent four days cooking and cleaning and planning for Christmas Day, which you are hosting. The day of, you're up at 8 to continue the cooking, cleaning, and planning, and at 2 PM you start the no-stopping-us-now turkey frying so that dinner will be ready at 3:15.

Pretend also that your sister has been asked to bring a vegetable dish (creamed spinach), and this has struck everyone in your extended family as hilarious, because your sister's culinary repetoire extends to grilled cheese and cereal.

Now pretend that your sister, who you don't really get along with, and her husband do not arrive until 5 PM. Also pretend that they hand you a bag of raw asparagus as they walk through the door. When you ask where the creamed spinach is, your sister replies, "I didn't make it. We had to leave at 9 this morning to go to (my husband's family's) house."

So then, perhaps, you bang about the kitchen a bit, cranky and hungry (helloooo, they are more than two hours laaaaaate! didn't call, didn't answer their phooooones), looking for a clean or even empty pan. Perhaps your husband asks you what's wrong. Maybe you say, "There's no creamed spinach, there's just raw asparagus, and it needs to be cooked."

There's a chance that your sister whips around and says, "I. Had. To. Leave. The. House. At. Nine." as if you're totally mentally deficient, and also as if the electricity doesn't get turned on until noon. "You don't need to get all bent out of shape about it," she says, wrinkling her nose and giving you the "what's up your ass" look.

Now, what would you say or do to your sister, if it were you holding the asparagus?

ETA: For real, tell me what you would have done (Bacchus, you get back here!). This isn't really a family blog, so go for it.

I was NOT a paragon of maturity or equanimity, if that's any consolation. I Was Pissed.

Merry Christmas!

Have a wonderful holiday. Thank you for being here for me all this time. Be back after the new year.

(photo removed)

Done

You know what full-face photographs mean, right?

Photos taken down. Thank you so much, y'all.

(Limited time only)

Resurfacing

Sorry to leave the "I'm so sick" post up at the top for a month. I'm only now back to about 90%. I felt about this good around the start of December, and then two weeks ago I got a cold, and back came the hacking and the wheezing and the blue hands and numbness and the aches and migranes from coughing, and oh, it was so pleasant.

But I'm mostly better now.

And I've got all my end-of-the-year work (for clients) done.

And the house is a wreck, but it will get cleaner tonight.

And I've taken Huckle to 7 doctors in the last two weeks, almost all routine checkup stuff that came due right now after the Medical Lollapalooza that was our Summer.

And family will be arriving any hour from the Midwest.

And tomorrow we adopt our boy.